The grieving process

I know I am not the only mother who has gone through this whole ugly diagnosis process. But there have been countless times in the last few days that have left me feeling completely and utterly alone. Most of the time life goes on just as normal as can be. And then, out of nowhere, it hits me. All the fears, worries and self-doubt come rearing their ugly head. I have been told by several people that I will go through a grieving process. I will need to grieve over the child I thought I had. This sounded so mean to me st first. But I think I am beginning to understand what they meant. Very few things in Jackson's life will be normal. Which means the same for the rest of us. How is that fair to my other kids? It's all so much to take in. And I often find myself feeling as awful, sad, depressed, etc. as I did the day we read the words "autistic disorder." Will it ever get easier? When does this grieving process end? And then what will take its place?