These are my confessions....

For the last, oh year or so, I've been struggling. It took me awhile to pinpoint what exactly the struggle was but, after a complete emotional breakdown yesterday and this morning, I think I've figured it out. And here it is: I am not okay with trying to be what I think I should be. Yep. That's it. Maybe it's the Mormon culture or maybe it is just what my idea was, but I am not a perfect wife, mother, sister, daughter or friend. And you know what? I'm learning to be okay with that. I have tried for a long time to play the role I thought I was suppose to play to make other people happy or to make people like me. I'm not doing it anymore. This is me....you can take it or leave it. And I will try really hard to not let your decision and judgement of me bother me. Because that is really what the problem has been. I have been so concerned with what everyone else thought, I couldn't be true to me. So I am going to put it all out there. This is me:

-I like football. A lot. I am completely content to spend my Thursday nights, Saturdays and Sundays in front of the TV watching whatever game happens to be on.
-I hate cleaning. Luckily I also hate having a messy house so that forces me to clean.
-I like listening to Eminem.
-My kids aren't perfect and I can't stand people who pretend their kids are. They make mistakes and sometimes I find them annoying. But I love them with every fiber of my being, just like the "perfect" kids parents do. We make mistakes together and we learn and grow from each other.
-I hate peoples assumptions that all kids on medication are bad. I also hate people who think only terrible parents put their kids on medication. Yeah, I studied it out and did my research too. Thanks for posting that article on Facebook though. And while we are on the subject, I don't think vaccinations caused my twins to be autistic. So, no, I have no regrets there. Oh and all my boys are circumcised.
-I like being alone but hate feeling lonely.
-I often eat ice cream for breakfast.
-I think working out is dumb. But I do it anyway.
-I generally can't get through my day without a Diet Coke. All the cashiers at my local Circle K know me pretty well.
-I often kick my husband in bed when he starts snoring and then act like I'm asleep so he thinks it was an accident.
-I'm learning to be unapologetic for my standards. I've been "unfriended" on Facebook from members of my family based solely on my standards and their assumption that I am better than they are. I never said I was but if that's what you think....
-I'm learning to let go of my idea of perfection.
-I can't do it all and I'm not even sure I ever wanted to. But I have always had this belief that I needed to. So I am learning to let that go too.
-I ALWAYS have a secret candy stash in my house.
-I have few friends that know the "real" me. But I am grateful beyond measure for them. They have sustained me through some of my deepest trials.
-I am fiercely competitive. Which is part of the reason we aren't one of those "family game night" families.
-I am very shy....until you get to know me. I think sometimes my shyness is mistake for being rude. And I really do feel bad about that. I try to be more outgoing but I don't really know how. It bugs me because I find myself getting really down about it.
-I am very insecure.
-I still love New Kids on the Block and Bon Jovi.
-I've always wanted to learn to play the piano.

There is so much more, but you get the idea. I want to be a better person, but for the right reasons. Not for acceptance on some social networking site or so I get the most "likes." I want to be a better person to help me gain a closer relationship with my Savior. I want a closer relationship with the important people in my life and I want to be less concerned about the others. I want to be kinder and less judgemental. I want to be the best me that I can be!