I am tired....

I honestly had no idea how difficult caring for newborn, premature twins would really be. I know it sounds really stupid, but I just figured they would fit into our routine. I really thought I could do it all....be a supermom. Well, I can't. And it isn't everyday that I will admit to being wrong. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. The last few weeks have been some of the hardest for me. I had these precious babies way too early. I can't begin to tell you how scary it was. I am not sure how I made it through those days while they were in the hospital. The first time I saw them all hooked up to monitors made me cry. I wondered what I had done wrong. Why did they come so early? But, they were here and we dealt with it. I went back and forth to the hospital for several days. That was also exhausting. I felt guilty for not being at home and I felt guilty for not being at the hospital. It was so hard...words can't even begin to tell you. And unless you have ever had to do it, you just wouldn't understand. The day after we brought our little babies home, Austin started kindergarten. What a huge adjustment for him and for me. I miss him during the day and I think he misses me too! Those first few days were so hard on Austin and it was so frustrating for me to watch. It's been a lot to go through in such a short amount of time. Our finances are strained and so is our patience. I can see it on my husband's face and I know he can see it in mine. I can't get anything done during the day and it is so frustrating for me. I used to pride myself and being able to handle things. I just can't do it anymore. I feel like I am at a total breaking point. I find myself yelling at Austin and Collin for the littlest things and I cry at the drop of a hat. I have to believe that it will get easier and/or better soon. I am afraid that if it doesn't, I will crack! Maybe I just need some sleep.....